It's Not Easy To Be Me
by Tatpsy
Summary: Everybody is a hero, a lover, a fool, a villain. Everybody. Everybody has their story to tell. And this is my story.  Jesse-centric
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Glee. If I did, Jonthan Groff will be in every single episode and he'll sing every single time. Because Groff's know how much my day gets better by listen to his voice.

_**It's not easy to be me**_

_Everybody is a hero, a lover, a fool, a villain. Everybody. Everybody has their story to tell. __And this is my story._

_I never truly believed in destiny. I never liked the idea of not have the control in my hands. I was the master of my own life, I __**had**__ the control._

_At least I thought I had, until she came._

_I wasn't supposed to feel anything. Not anything that could stand in the way of my dream. Being a star was the only wish I ever had, my only purpose._

_See, If destiny really exist, than I could say that one thing I was absolutely sure: I was destined to become a star. Everyone loves me, so why destiny would be any different?_

_I was so arrogant back them. Ok…I'm still am. But I've learn__ed__a lot along the time. I've became the star I've always kn__own__I would be, my life seems perfect. But still…I just can't forget the things I did in the past, I can't forget her. Because, If I AM this huge star, if I have a heart, I owe everything to her. Life had a new meaning after I __met__ her._

_And this is the history that I'm about to tell you._

_I beg you not to judge me. Just listen to me._

_I don't need sympathy. I just need to talk about _it.

_I just dream that maybe, just maybe, if I tell you this, I'll be able to have, somehow, a different ending._

_So hi. I'm Jesse St. James. And this story begins with a song and a girl… _


	2. So come and let's start

_**CHAPTER ONE – So come and let's start**_

_You came to this world_

_to see what I've done_

_and it's fine._

_So come and let's start_

_I'll give you all my heart_

_This time._

_**(The Beginning Song – Rita Redshoes)**_

It was my last year on high school, **finally**. I was ready to take my victory lap and win my fourth consecutive National Title and than get out from Ohio right to Los Angeles. This was going to be my year. _Again._

We were at the Western Ohio High School to see our "competition" on their Sectionals. I think that was just stupid, we knew we were the best show choir and there was no one who could possibly bet us. But Shelby didn't agree with me. She said _"We never underestimated our competitors"_. Yeah, cause we were totally worry about a bunch a losers singing some stupid songs very badly.

But now I have to take some time to tell you about Shelby, because she's really important to this story and **to me. **She was Vocal Adrenaline's Coach. I never really liked coaches before. You know, I don't really need anyone telling me what to do and most of them were really dumb. I could coach VA myself. But she was different, she knew things, she was really good.

I was wonder why she decided to coach in a Glee Club when she could be a huge star. She had everything: great voice and performance. But I never asked and she never told anything. She was just like me: focused on excellence. Always pushing hard, always wanting more. Be good was for losers, we had to be fucking awesome.

Anyway, we were there to see a bunch of losers singing. And it was really, really painful. I thought that I would probably going to have nightmares with ugly people singing pitch songs. Those girls from Jane Addams were absolutely ridiculous. They could totally dance that dance on a cheap strip club. And those deaf kids from Haverbrook School made me nervous. I know, I know. I should feel pity for them, being deaf and everything. But for God's sake, it was a SINGING competition. There's no place for charity in show choir.

I was just waiting for this to finish already when I heard the first accords of "Don't Rain On My Parade". I couldn't help myself from curse. I couldn't handle to hear another stupid person killing one of the best songs I've ever heard. People should be arrested for ruining this song. I roll my eyes, praying for God to take me away from this hell. Then I heard her voice and I froze.

See, I know that this will sound like a cliché from some silly and romantic movie, but it was true. From the minute I saw her and listen to her, everything around me just stopped. Nothing else really matters, I could only see her, everything else was forgettable. My eyes couldn't leave her and I didn't know why. Her expressions and her voice were powerful, full of meaning, just like Barbra. She was really talented.

When she finished the song I was applauding with enthusiasm in my mind ('cause there were NO WAY I couldn't possibly applaud her in from of my team, I just give the regular applause). Then they started to sing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by Rolling Stones. They were good. There were two of them that were good singers, but that male lead was just awful. She deserved someone that could keep up with her vocally. Someone with talent. Someone like me.

They actually did a good performance and was sure that they were going to win. But they would have to improve so bad if they wanted to beat VA. Because that dance moves? Total failure. A 10 year old kid could done better than that.

This moment I looked at Shelby to see her reaction. She had the perfect poker face, but I knew her better than this. She looked in agony and that made me curious. She couldn't really be worried about this New Directions kids, c'mon! They were going to look like idiots performing against us, we were the best.

So the judge came with the results and I found myself staring at her again. She was nervous, I could see by the way she bither lips. That was a good thing to stare. I caught myself imagining how it would be kissing those lips. Is that insane or what? I was just having some second thoughts about a girl that I even knew! Me. The guy that could have all the girls. They just kept throwing themselves to me. I had no problems to find some pretty girl if I wanted to. But someway, somehow, I wanted her. So badly.

And when she heard that her team had win, she had the most adorable expression on her face. Her smile… I couldn't stop myself, I had to smile too. She was radiant. There was something in her eyes that made feel happiness inside. I had win a lot of competition in my life, but see her happiness, it was like it was me there winning an award for the first time.

So Shelby just got up and started to go away and everyone in VA did the same thing. We were outside when Andrea (one of the girls from VA) asked me what I thought about the ND performance.

"They were good, but they won't be a problem to us. We are so much better, I'm not worried." I just said with a unconcerned tone. She smiled at me and we got on our way out.

"Mind to give me a ride home?" She said using that flirt tone. She was so exhausting.

"Haven't you come with Daniel?" I asked her with my eyebrows lifted.

"Yeah, but I wanted to go back with you" She gave me that stupid smile. God, does anyone really fall on this shit?

"Sorry, I have plans already. See you on rehearsal!" Of course, I had to remind myself and her too that I'm not just like other guys. So I closed the door and drove away, while she stayed there looking furious.

I wasn't telling her any lie. I had plans. I had to find that girls name. I was determined. And when Jesse St. James wants something or someone, he usually gets what he wants.

* * *

**N/A: **So, my first St. Berry fic. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time.

First I have to say that the idea for this fic came from the fact that we don't know much about Jesse, so I wanted to try to show his side of the history.

I'm sorry for this chapter being so short. I'm not really comfortable with writing in English, 'cause it's not my first language. But I'll try to make it better for the next chapters.

Hope you like it. And please, let me know what you think. Reviews, for writers, are like applause for Timkerbell: we need them to live. =D

And once again I would like to say thank you to my wonderful friend Cloie, for helping me with my poor English grammar.

See ya!


	3. This Could Be Something

_**CHAPTER TWO – This Could Be Something**_

"_I remember what you wore in our first day_

_You came into my life_

_And I thought _

'_Hey, you know, this could be something'"_

**(Two is Better than One – Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift)**

* * *

The first thing I did when I came home is was to grab my laptop and start to search for her. See, this is one of the greatest things about modernity, everything was easy to find, you just need to Google it. It was easy to locate the names of the students of McKinley High, it just took me five seconds to discover the Sectionals website. Now I just needed to figure it out which name was the girl I was looking for.

Then I saw it: _Rachel Barbra Berry_. I smiled to myself. Of course her middle name would be Barbra, it fits her really well. I put her name on Google and a lot of things beganto show up on my computer screen. _"Uau, she's a busy girl"_ I thought. I could see her name on a long list of club activities. Speech Club, Mock United Nations Club, Renaissance Club.

Then her YouTube page shows up, and I could see that she had a lot of videos of her singing. Great song choices bide way. She is really talented. She also had a facebook account. '_Uau, people really should be more careful with the information they put on the web'_. I not only knew her favorite food, songs, but also the places that she like to go. Imagine if I was some kind of stalker or something like that.

Anyway, let's not lose focus. One of her favorite places was a music store that I knew very well. Easy. So easy like chasing a little and defenseless rabbit. Oh, the taste of the chase…so good, so stimulating.

* * *

I was checking her facebook account almost everyday since then, but she didn't update. See, I'm not really a patient guy. Matter of fact, I think patience was on its day off the day I was born. You can call me spoiled if you want to, but I don't do "waiting**".** If I want something, I need to get it **now.**

So I decided to take a visit to the book store. If Ihad lucky, and I always did**,** I could get to see her there. And you know what? She _was there_. Lucky is a minor thing when you are Jesse St. James.

I stared at her for a couple of minutes. I saw her coming with strong steps, full of personality. Her clothing choice was…different, I could say. But she was pretty, more so than the first time I saw her. She seems to be looking for something, some music sheets on her hands. Then I saw her catching a Lionel Richie sheet.

It was time for me to make my move. So I walked right toher, very confident, very me. Her face was hidden behind the music sheet, than I took my finger and put it down slowly and said:

"Lionel Richie huh?" I look deep down her eyes. She was looking at me deeply, all her attention was on me. "One of my favorites."

I smiled at her while I've watched her answer too me, looking really surprised.

"Oh my God!" she said with resolution. "You are Jesse St. James. You are in Vocal Adrenaline."

Of course she would knew my name! Again: who didn't?

"And you are Rachel Berry" I said, very gallant. "I saw you perform at Sectionals. Your rendition of 'Don't Rain on My Parade' was flawed. You totally lacked Barbra's emotional depth."

She looked at me looking a little sad.

"But you're talented". I've complement, smiling at her and taking the music sheet with me and walking away. I was sure she would come after me.

"This is one of my favorite haunts. I like to come and flip through the celebrity biographies." I just looked at the books, avoiding eye contact to give the suspense hint. But I could sense her breathing behind me. "Pick up some lifestyle tips".

I kept walking and she followed me. I smiled to myself with that, she was already cached. "I'm a senior now, so this year is kind of my victory lap."

"Snagging a fourth consecutive national championship would just be gravy". I made that air 'what can I say, it's inevitable'.

"I'm getting out of Ohio soon." I turned my back to her again. I know that this may sound a little rude to you, but Jesse St James _always_ know what he's doing.

She came to me and I looked at her eyes again. They were so inviting that I could have drowning inside them.

"I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California, Los Angeles" I knew that I was being very cocky, but then again…I am cocky. "Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles"

She gave me that 'Ohh' followed by a great smile. She looked shy. It's my presence, I can tell. I do this to people.

I looked through the room and I saw a piano. Perfect. That was all I needed to give that special touch to this reunion. There's nothing like music to seduce someone. I'm a terrific singer and so is she. '_It will be epic'_, I thought.

"What do you say we take it for a spin?"

"Here?" She sounded reluctant. "Oh, no. I'm kind of nervous."

I was surprised. She didn't look like a shy girl. Funny that this made me like her even more. She was such intriguing person.

"I remember when I used to get nervous" True. I don't do insecurity, I save this for amateurs.

"C'mon! I do this all the time. I like to give impromptu concerts for the homeless." I looked at her with my perfect puppy little eyes. "It's so important to give back."

She smiled and I've started to play Lionel Ritchie's Hello.

_I've been alone with you inside my mind_

_And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times  
I sometimes see you pass outside my door  
Hello, is it me you're looking for?_

She was standing next to me, looking to me so soft. All the rest suddenly forgotten. It was such a strange and unique feeling that I couldn't describe. It was like feeling some sort of formication. It was new and exciting.

_I can see it in your eyes  
I can see it in your smile  
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide  
'Cause you know just what to say  
And you know just what to do  
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ..._

_I long to see the sunlight in your hair  
And tell you time and time again how much I care  
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow  
Hello, I've just got to let you know_

Our voices seemed like to be made it to bond. It was magical. She sits next to me and I felt our bodies so close. I could feel her breath next to me, sending shivers down my spine. Her hair smelled so wonderfully, her lips so close to mine.

_'Cause I wonder where you are  
And I wonder what you do  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?  
Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying, I love you ..._

It was like in the middle of a storm. This feeling just came to me so strong. I could feel it inside of me, taking everything that I have, leading me to something completely new. I could see every little detail of her. The way her lips get when she sings, the way she close her eyes, in such a strong way. It was like admire a beautiful and touching painting. I was hypnotized by her.

_Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying ... I love you._

I was out of breath. Not literally, of course, I never get out of breath. Do you know the feeling of searching for something, but don't really know what you're looking for? It was like I was searching for her all this time without even knew it. It feel so good, so right, standing there next to her, looking at her eyes.

The applauses from the people around us just brought me to reality like a strong force. It was just like I had this out-of-body experience and now I was back. I looked at her, she's looking so proud. I could see that she really enjoyed this, being acclaimed by everyone around.

"We should do this more often" I said like some little tease. "How's Friday night?"

The magnificent smile that she gave me was the best 'yes' I ever had.

* * *

**N/A:** So, this chapter was really hard for me to write. First I had this awful writer's block and then I was really worried about this fic being boring, cause you already saw all the episodes, so it's nothing new actually, not even exciting.

I think that's the main reason why I got so inspired to write the Journey chapter. Because it's going to be all me, everything new. I could write that entire chapter, but I couldn't write more than 20 words of this one…

So, I hope you can forgive me for the waiting. I promise you that will get better eventually, since I this fic is going all the way till their reunion in the future.

Anyway, I shall stop talking nonsense. Just want to remember all of you to, pleaaaase, review. Reviews are everything for the writer. It's what makes me want to get even better.

I would love to read your thoughts, your suggestions, everything you want to say to me.

See ya!


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